The Myth You Can Stop Believing About How Long Sex Should Last

According to the Mayo Clinic, premature ejaculation is common with about 1 in 3 people experiencing it at one time or another. They explain that the criteria for diagnosing this condition include ejaculating within 1-3 minutes of penetration most or all of the time, not being able to delay ejaculation most or all of the time, and feeling upset and frustrated about this fact.

Given how frequently it occurs, we spoke with Justin Dubin, M.D., a urologist and men's health specialist, to learn just how long sex should last. Dubin said that penetrative sex generally lasts about 3-7 minutes while one study found an average of about 5.4 minutes. However, that doesn't mean that this is how long you should be having sex. "Truthfully there is no ideal length of time for sex to last," said Dubin.

"Sex is an experience between you and your partner," Dubin explained, "and I am sure if you asked each partner how long is the ideal amount of time to have sex they would give you different answers, sometimes depending on the time and day and mood they are in."

"The beauty of sex is that the pleasure is subjective and determined by the participants," he added, explaining that it's really your own personal opinion that determines whether you have either premature or delayed ejaculation. "If there is no bother to the person or their partner and everyone is happy, then the time to ejaculate isn't an issue," said Dubin. "So if two people have sex that lasts 30 seconds and everyone is happy and no one is bothered by that, technically there is no ejaculatory dysfunction to treat." 

Dubin went on to add that premature ejaculation is usually defined as ejaculating in less than two minutes. However, there are no set criteria for delayed ejaculation.

Dubin noted, however, that if you're seeing changes in the time it takes you to ejaculate that veer away from what's normal for you, it could be a sign of a deeper issue. "Sometimes changes in the time to achieve orgasm can be indicative of other issues, but not always," he said. "It is more likely to be indicative of a health issue when you develop acquired ejaculatory issues aka your ejaculation time was normal for most of your life then something all of a sudden changes." 

Reasons that you might develop premature ejaculation that you didn't have before include stress, depression, anxiety, erectile dysfunction, metabolic syndrome, chronic prostatitis, and thyroid issues. On the other end of the spectrum, things that could cause you to take longer to orgasm include stress, anxiety, depression, low testosterone, age, neurological issues, endocrine issues, and medications, especially SSRIs (commonly used to treat depression).

"The good news is that there are many treatment options for ejaculatory dysfunction issues," said Dubin. "So if you want to last longer or ejaculate faster go talk to your local urologist, they should be able to help!"